Pondering “why I do..?”

This is a very abstract think piece – why do I do the things I do inside my head.

Why do I prefer to distance questions from being about me – why do I often pose things as ‘we’ or ‘you’ rather than ‘I’?

The original question was something I’ve since forgotten – but it started with an assumption – that the way I think is the way others think. I realise I do this a lot. I also talk about others doing something (I use ‘you’) rather than me doing something.

Is this just linguistics – or is there something more pyshchological at play?

Why do I focus on being different to others rather than not being as good as people who are similar to me a lot of the time?

I often find myself noticing and then critiquing either myself or others because they approach things a different way – instead of being overly bothered with being better at the way I do things.

This I suspect is back to a coping mechanism for perfectionism – avoiding striving to be better. Practice, for me, is quite passive – it isn’t about focusing on being better; more just doing things and finding, along the way, I tend to improve.

I’m aware that many children crave the adulation they get when they succeed. However that is unsustainable; the sheer excitment of a child just smiling or starting to climb or crawl… you can’t achieve those improvements ongoing. So, as the child, you have to accept you won’t get applause at the same rate. Also the effort you need to put in to get that benefit increases over time.

I wonder how many parents realise this trap they are setting?

I often found myself comparing myself with high achievers and not knowing why. It wasn’t so much that they were better (thought envy was part of it). It was a little bit of shame that they tried harder.

I hadn’t given up – but I didn’t strive. I could do well enough without. Why make life a race or battle when it doesn’t have to be?

I now accept that, to be better, I do need to try. For me a life without goals is not really an existance. I also want to be better – it’s genuinely a desire of mine – to live a better life and to know myself better. I also need to focus on me and what I do and think… and not seek to project that onto others.

But I do those things of and for me. The only strive I have is not to compare any more.